Define Fine
by McRaider
Summary: “Are you all right?” he asked her softly. She felt all the actions of the past twelve hours begin to well up within her, reaching a level she wasn’t sure she could suddenly control she whirled around him in absolute fury, “Why wouldn’t I be!” she screamed


Define Fine  
McRaider  
Summary: "Are you all right?" he asked her softly. She felt all the actions of the past twelve hours begin to well up within her, reaching a level she wasn't sure she could suddenly control she whirled around him in absolute fury, "Why wouldn't I be!" she screamed at him, "It's not like any of this is my fault!"  
Author's Note: This is based of Meganlynn09's challenge/request for a story where Rose blames the doctor for everything including her death because she feels so angry with herself. I hope I do your request justice. This was a beautiful epsiode, that hit far too close to home, but none the less beautiful!

He gripped her hand, he could feel the tension yet defeat coursing through her mind and body. He gently guided her back to the TARDIS, where she would be able to escape and hopefully get her mind off of this. He made a quick mental note to give them both a small vacation when this was all over. Away from everything, including Rose's real mother and their mistake, just to give time to one another.

He sighed softly, sticking the key in the door, he couldn't blame Rose for all of this, it wasn't completely her fault, though a lot of it was; she'd accepted the blame and responsibility. He'd forgiven her, or at least he was trying to. He was as much to blame as she was for agreeing to let her go.

He watched as she stepped ahead of him and headed for the hallway of their time machine, obviously trying to escape everything. "Are you all right?" he asked her softly, he knew it was a dumb question the minute it formed in his vocal cords, but he couldn't stop himself.

She felt all the actions of the past twelve hours begin to well up within her, reaching a level she wasn't sure she could suddenly control anymore. She whirled around at him in absolute fury, "Why wouldn't I be!" she screamed at him, "It's not like any of this is my fault!"

His brows furrowed, "Excuse me?" he tried to remain calm.

"You let me go! You fueled my desire! You're the Lord of time! You're supposed to know better! Why didn't you stop me!" she growled at him.

His blue eyes went wide at her accusations, he scanned his mind for something to say, "This isn't all my fault—"

"Oh no! You took me back twice Doctor, the only reason you even died is because you let me go back! What did you expect, I'm human! You really expected me to stand by an' watch my dad die!" her voice was quickly reaching a screaming level.

From the looks of it, however, the Doctor didn't seem to be far behind her as his face grew dark; his eyes cold, the oncoming storm—had just arrived. "You said you wanted to be there for him! Not save his life! I told you not to touch the baby! I told you three times not to touch that child! You saved your father and risked everyone's life in that church! Because you were too selfish to even think about what you were doing! I took you to see your parents get married, I took you to see your father against my best judgment, and I even took you back a second time so you could hold his hand! You came on this ride Rose! If you want off the door is right there!" Even as those words left his mouth the Doctor felt one of his hearts stop as tears began to rise in the blonde's eyes.

Rose could feel a cold sweat on the back of her neck as she heard his venomous words. She was the one in the wrong, she was the one who had killed him, sent him to his tragic death. She'd caused death, devastation and pain; all because she'd just wanted to see her dad. She'd survived her entire life without him, why couldn't she suddenly life now without him. Had she only come with him because it was a time machine? Had she really used him?

"Rose—"

She shook her head suddenly and took off running through the halls of the TARDIS, praying that the beloved machine would give her an escape to get her thoughts into some semblance of order before she saw him again, before she could face him again.

He stood in the control room, watching her retreat into the endless hallway and felt his own eyes begin to burn. He moved over to one of the controls and focused his suddenly blurred eyes. The idea of her doing all of this simply to use him hurt; far more than he could describe. He'd thought they meant something to one another. He felt an all too familiar drum in the side of his head as he thought over the past several hours.

o0o

He let her be for several hours, allowing her some time to think about what had happened and what was going to happen next. Finally he decided to go in search of his Rose. The TRADIS seemed more than willing to help him with his search and soon he found her sitting in the kitchen with a carton of mint chocolate chip ice cream; that he couldn't remember buying, tears covering her cheeks as she looked at each spoonful before slipping it into her mouth.

With nary a word to her, he quickly found a spoon, deciding they needed a calmer discussion and slipped into the chair across from her. He dipped his spoon into the softened ice cream, and popped it into his mouth before he spoke, "Before the war I had a mother, father, brothers and sisters, children and grandchildren. I watched my brothers; sons and grandsons all die by the Daleks cruel ways. However, nothing compares to the pain I feel when I think about my father. He was a lot like me I suppose, though at the time, I was a mere teenage to the Time Lords, I didn't see anything beyond what I always wanted. The Time Lords were mostly peaceful people; in fact so peaceful that it took nearly a hundred years of a war to get them to finally decide to wipe out the race that was effectively killing all the remaining Time Lords. However, one thing they believed in above all else was interfering was wrong: to such an extent that they were willing to kill any of our people who interfered where they weren't supposed to. The punishment became more merciful—they exiled me instead of killing me. But they killed my father for interfering; I guess the same way you did in sorts. They made me leave, years later. I'll never forget how terrified and angry I was that day, not because they'd killed him, but because he'd let them and because I'd lost him. Rose, I'm sorry—you're right, I never should have taken you back there a second time. I regret the decisions I've made, but I want you to realize I understand the closure you were looking for. I'm sorry Rose, I'm so sorry."

Doe brown eyes looked up at him, a look as though he were completely crazy; she looked at him, "Are you insane!" He groaned he just couldn't win with human women. She suddenly shook her own head, "I'm sorry Doctor shouldn't have made such a request, it's my fault, I know it is—it hurts so bad to think that you trust me and suddenly I've lost the trust," she whimpered.

"What?" he whispered, he quickly got up and moved into the chair beside her, "Rose, just because you made a mistake doesn't mean I've stopped trusting you. I made a mistake too, did you stop trusting me?"

She shook her head quietly before he continued, "We both made a mistake, but I mean what I said when I only take the best," he reached out gently stroking her cheek, "At least you admitted and knew you were in the wrong."

"I didn't plan it Doctor, I didn't!" she suddenly cried again.

Without a second thought the Doctor pulled her into his arms and held her close as she cried against his shoulder, "I know, I always knew, I shouldn't have said it," he wrapped his arms tighter around her chest, resting his chin atop her head. "We're not perfect Rose, but together we can be," he whispered pressing a kiss to her temple.


End file.
